When dining in public there are certain conventions one must follow. Don’t talk too loudly; you wouldn’t want to disturb your neighbouring tables. Chew with your mouth closed; you mustn’t be rude to your guests. At the end of the night, tip your server at least fifteen percent; it’s a common courtesy.

Above all else, don’t make a scene.

These rules are immeasurably more important when one is born into one of the most influential families south of the equator. Appearances must be kept, so, when meeting your mother and brother for a family dinner, do not worriedly ask your mother how she’s holding up as you pull her into a hug. Hold back everything you wish to say to your brother and settle for burning a hole through him with your eyes, even as you smile warmly and ask him how he is.  He will tell you he’s doing well, and you will know that he’s lying.

You will be meeting them in your mothers favoured restaurant. Your father won’t be present, of course. Even if he didn’t have to deal with your brothers most recent scandal, he would still likely work late into the night, as has done for as long as you can remember. Your mother will order a round of her favourite white wine for the table. Sip at it through the night even though you can’t stand the too sweet taste.

Your brother will make conversation filled with barbed comments and insults disguised as jokes. You will, of course, respond in kind and it won’t be long before the two of you are going at it, tearing each other apart word by word from behind plastic smiles. As your argument escalates, let your anger get the better of you and use your brothers most recent flaws against him. Ask him how the trial is going, and he will say he is definitely going to be found innocent. When he says it’s a he said-she said situation, take the chance to remind him that’s not strictly true. Eleven women have come forwards so far.

This will likely be the point where your brother snaps. Do not pull away when he digs his fingers into arm: hard enough to leave marks. Remember, don’t make a scene.

Your mother, who until now has been silently sipping too sweet wine, will finally speak up. She will reprimand you for both speaking against your brother and for doing so in such a public setting. You are surrounded by sharks, she will remind you, and you mustn’t be the wounded creature leaving a trail of blood in the water. You must be the ship floating above them; the one they scatter out of the path of even as they pray for scraps to be tossed overboard.

Now will be the time to excuse yourself from the table and walk to the bathroom. Once inside, extract the nails digging into your palms and slowly unfurl your fingers. Do not think about wrapping those fingers around your brothers throat and instead use them to turn faucet. Splash cold water against your face and tell yourself that this time he won’t get away with it. Tell yourself that this time there is far too much against him. Even your fathers influence couldn’t shake a sexual assault charge. Not when so many women have come forwards.

Tell yourself that this time there’s no way out for him.

Spend a moment in front of the mirror making sure you are wearing a perfect smile before exiting the bathroom. Make your way back to the table and you will find a man standing there dressed in dining attire and chatting with your family. See your brother make a joke and the man laugh uproariously. Your mother will introduce the man as the Chief of Police and an old friend of your father. Make polite conversation and soon the Chief will be on his way, but not before shaking your brother’s hand and promising to have you all over for dinner some time.

As the night progresses, don’t talk too loudly; you wouldn’t want your neighbouring tables listening in on your secrets. Chew with your mouth closed; you must keep your family’s image in high regard. At the end of the night, tip your server at least fifteen percent; any less and people might start to wonder if your family is having money troubles.

As you say goodbye to your family and go your separate ways, ignore that sickening feeling growing in your stomach.

Then go find yourself something proper to drink.